Shuebert Hates You – Towel



Shuebert is a little turtle. He loves everyone and would never hurt a guppy because he’s a progressive vegan. But you know what, he knows what you do on the internet when you’re alone, and every time you do *that* a turtle gets caught in plastic rings from craft beer and dies.

Shuebert hates you for killing his family.

Shuebert hates you…. and that’s why we love him.

This beach towel sporting a graphic of an adorable smiling sea turtle with a speech bubble that reads, “I Hate You” above him is the perfect expression of our frustration, rage, and general dislike for all the things and people in our lives that just annoy us.

Whether it’s the person who cuts you off in traffic, your boss who’s constantly micromanaging, or that one friend who just won’t stop talking about themselves, you need a Shuebert there to tell them exactly how you feel.

He even does it with a smile! Thanks, Shuebert!


• Available in one size: 30”x60”
• 52% cotton, 48% polyester
• Made in China. Printed in the USA
• Printed on one side only
• The non-printed side is made of terry fabric, making the towel more water-absorbent

Additional information

Weight 0.42 lbs


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